My biggest fear- Sundays with Sarah

An honest string of words.
If you were to ask me what my biggest fear is, I would probably say the dentist, that I've never been fond of sharks, and shudder at the thought of bees. You personally might have a fear of spiders, snakes, maybe even clowns. Point is, we all have fears. And we all have strength. But in all honesty, lately my fears have been overshadowing my strengths. 
My biggest fear is that my best isn't good enough. That I will give everything I have to something or someone, and things won't turn out the way I wanted them to. Effort is exhausting, and this term especially I feel like I am putting in so much effort for so few rewards. Translated to tween speak: I "just can't even" anymore. My fear is becoming more of a reality all the time. It's affecting me slowly, I can't fight it off with one quick blow or duck to miss a punch of pain or disappointment. It's little things- the paper cuts to the bone that getcha. Bandaids just aren't cutting it anymore. But yuck. Why do you want to read this? I'm boring, depressing, and I'm conducting a pity party for one that you probably don't care about. Here's why you should:
We all have fears, and we all have strengths. Yours and mine may be different, but they could also be the same. We all have to overcome things in our lives, face our fears, and deal with consequences. The sooner you do that, the stronger you will probably feel. I say 'probably' because I don't begin to claim that I have the first idea about how facing and overcoming fears would feel because I've never tried. But I intend to. My life is about to hit the restart button; I'm moving to Spain for 5 months with absolutely no-one I know. Now that is scary for sure, but it also gives me the chance to let go of problems I have here. I have always wanted to be 'the best', to never settle, and to go for the gold. People (I think) know me as "Sarah, the type A leader who gets good grades and has her shit together". So naturally, when I give a project or goal my all, I am expected to accomplish what I worked for. Recently however, I have been reaching, climbing, and even jumping to reach lofty goals, but I'm simply stumbling back to the ground disappointed. Even though no one might actually notice, I still feel a sharp pain from each one. I get disappointed, even ashamed sometimes of myself and who I should be versus who I am right now. BUT in Spain, no one knows who I am and therefore expects nothing of me. I will feel no pressure to be 'that girl' anymore, and I can work on things that make me happy instead of accomplishing things in the name of 'greatness'. What even is 'greatness', 'success', or 'accomplishment'? More on that another time....

I could continue to babble on, feebly attempting wisdom and you might even read it, but I am going to end this post with words shown to me by a woman that I love, and written by a woman who inspires me: A quote from Mother Teresa. A faded, photocopied, tattered piece of paper has held these words on our kitchen wall for years, and my Mom made sure that I have my own exact replica for my own college desk as a reminder to always:

Do it Anyway:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough.
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see,
in the final analysis it is between you and God*;
it was never between you and them anyway.

I hope this post gave you pause, a short break from studying, or maybe even some peace. I know I feel better just having written it all down. Thank you for reading, and remember that you should always 'do it anyway' if it makes you happy. Remember that it is ok to be afraid-just feel confident in knowing that we're all scared, and that we're all strong.

With love and strength,

Sarah Belle

*disclaimer: I never felt totally sold on the 'between you and God' line. Point being; your happiness and life are not controlled by anyone but yourself. Do the best you can no matter what the haters say because at the end of the day you are the only person who truly has to answer to your actions. It is between you and ________.